HAPPY COUPLES....OR...NOT??

Why is it that some people seem to just always get along? Are they really that happy? Behind the walls of their home, are they picture perfect like they appear?  Chances are...they are not! Every couple has their own set of issues.  They may not be putting their 'stuff' on facebook, or twittering about their morning spat, but this is why their appearances are seemingly happy. They may very well be a happy, stable couple, but they are somehow able to keep the issues between themselves, and work toward problem solving.  Let's venture into what those probably look like, those Problem solving tactics that healthy couples have. Coaching many couples over the years, I have learned that there are a few things healthy couples have in common. Let me share those, and you can begin to incorporate these traits into your relationship, and be encouraged that positive results may transform.

1. Plan time for talking! Instead of talking as you walk through the house after work, gathering up the sports equipment, only to run out again for your child's practice, plan a time to share your thoughts and feelings.

2.Grow as friends verses falling into a room mate routine. Room mates are usually not romantically involved. But great friendships can develope into romances. Recent royal wedding bride and groom, Prince William and Kate Middleton's relationship stemmed from room mates and friendship to courtship, then romance! Friends plan outings, laugh together, do things with other friends, encourage each other, and always listen to each other with genuine interest.

3.Keep learning new things about your partner!  Positive feelings about your partner stem solely from feeling that he/she really knows the real you. As we grow older, wiser, age and mature; our interests, hobbies, careers, and even preferences can change.  When someone takes the time to 'listen' to and remember our preferences and interests, etc...it's like adding love fuel to our love tank!! By constantly learning more about your partner, you'll be able to incorporate their likes in gift-giving ideas, places to go, music preferences, favorite stores, restaurants, colors, styles, etc..       

4. Find out your partner's LOVE LANGUAGE! The best selling author and expert on relationships, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote, The 5 Love Languages. A powerfully informative book to help you understand your partners most vital needs. Go to www.the5lovelanguages.com for more information.  

5. Learn how to communicate effectively!    If your emotions are elevated to the point of raising your voice, or name-calling, or worse, feeling the urge to get physical, you have a communication problem, and need to feel calm before proceeding into a discussion.  The art of quality communication is vital for effectively living together, and having a positive healthy relationship.

6. Remember, you can not 'change someone' to fit your needs.  If you have a problem in your relationship that consistently resurfaces without resolution, you have two choices:

One big mistake I see in my office is couples who have a set of expectations for their partner, and their partner doesn't meet those.  Many times, the expectations have something to do with a person's 'changed' or 'different' behaviors that were not present in the beginning of the relationship. RELATIONSHIP INSANITY is seeing the same behaviors over and over with another person, but your expecting different results.  Break the spell by setting YOUR PERSONAL BOUNDARIES. Know what you can live with, what you can't, but don't live with something you can't tolerate, complain constantly when that expectation is not met.  Be clear about what your needs are, and loving couples do make changes to accomodate their partners; however, we can't 'expect' our partners to change just because we want them too. What we CAN do, is change our behavior, and change how we react to the unwanted behavior.

7. FIND YOUR PURPOSE!  You can never truly be happy in a relationship and embrace it fully and happily if you do not have something of your own that makes you feel your doing somehting worthwhile, something that makes YOU happy. Something that you feel is making a difference perhaps in the owrld, or with other's. If your making another person your world, your making a huge mistake, and this will result in disappointment.  It is never any one else's job to make you happy, make you feel worthy, or beautiful, or deserving. It is up to YOU to make it a great day, each and everyday. Your designing YOUR life.  Your choices make up your journey.  You can choose to be content, or be in constant conflict by finding expecations that go unmet.  Discover your purpose so you can be interesting to your partner, not a draining leach dependent on them for your well being.

 

Hope these tips are helpful to ENRICH YOUR RELATIONSHIPS...FOR LIFE!

Your Inspired Life Coach,

~ Annalisa